How To Avoid Fights During Change

You'd be naive to think pastors don't lose their cool. Or that they don't have heated discussions with their wives from time to time. And even more naive to think they are perfect and their marriage is 100% error proof. 

Newsflash - we argue. We get upset, angry and discuss. We discuss a lot

My husband is my pastor. My husband is an amazing man of God. He, however, is not perfect. And while he gets a front row seat to all my insecurities, character flaws and moments of immaturity, I'm front and center for his, too. 

Don't you worry, I don't ever plan to use this platform to blame Calvin for anything or dishonor him in any way. However, I will use it, to be honest about what our lives look like, married and young and leading a church plant. 

Switch gears with me for a second, I recently got a new job! And while I am enjoying it, It's a job that threw my already well established, perfectly planned out schedule out the window. I mean, I was killing it! All the big rocks - check. Pebbles - check. Sand - check. Watch the quick video below to understand.

I had it all well balanced and Calvin and I had a groove. We had a date night. We were good. But then change. A new job. New hours. New commute. AND Calvin started his summer classes the same week I started my new adventure of being the Communications Coordinator of Social Media for a large church in West Houston. Yes, I get paid to create content, manage social media posts, interact with followers, grow our following, invest in digital marketing strategies and learn all the ins and out of the social world and it's the best job I've had yet!

Maybe you see where I'm headed with this. Calvin and I have been adjusting to this new schedule going on three weeks now and... the change has caused some friction.

PHOTOGRAPH by  hannah robinson design

Monday nights are the only nights we now have together - without a church thing to do or meetings to go to. When Calvin came home from class we ate his favorite meal (my spaghetti) and shared about our days. I had hoped to write a blog post right after work, before I got busy with other engagements, dinner and so on.
But I didn't.

I was itching to write. So, after dinner, I made up my mind to head to the Starbucks down the street and type away. Without going into unnecessary details, I'm sure you could see Calvin's frustration with my idea and my determination to do something that has been pushed to the back burner since the new job. We hashed it out. I was selfish, he was mean. (Calvin approves of this message.) I stubbornly drove my little tail to Starbucks anyhow - frustrated, huffing and puffing. 

So I did. So I am. (And if the word pissed offends you.. well, sorry.) But this is as real as it gets, folks! ^ I realized then and there that if I'm going to be transparent with you all then I am called to share the moments where we're confronted with our ugliness and hope to share ways for you to avoid making mistakes we've made. 

Here are my tips to avoid disputes when change comes:
(These are given in the context of marriage, but can be applied to family and/or friendships.)
1. Sit down and create your new weekly schedule. The sooner the better. Don't wait. Google Calendar is a great tool with phone reminders to keep you on track. iPhones also offer a shared calendar option - great for couples or family members.
2. Over communicate. This may seem mundane at first, but better to remind someone of something than to forget to mention it all together. Text those who need to be aware of changes in your schedule to remind them of your new arrival time, meeting days, off days, etc. Most problems arise due to lack of communication and clarity.
3. Show grace. Whether you are the one experiencing the change first hand or you know someone who is, be gracious. Transitioning can be time consuming and exhausting. Show grace to yourself and those adjusting. Don't be offended if rescheduling has to happen. Move forward together. 

Share with me your best tips on transitioning - whether a new job, a big move, a new workout regimen or making time for a fun new hobby! Comment below and as always, feel free to #sharewithfriends. 

May He bless you and keep you.

             - Crystal Lee -

             - Crystal Lee -